she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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