Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
