HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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