hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
