he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
we should paint friendship bongs
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