You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
