You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
