I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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