I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
