i wish starbucks made bloody marys
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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