Got a toothbrush?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
