Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He better not be in your backpack
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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