I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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