I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
