I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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