I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
