I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
