Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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