I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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