I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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