I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
