the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
