i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
