I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
