I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
