3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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