I skipped work to stalk him.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
