it hurts more in the daytime
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
