Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
