this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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