she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
