She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
