you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
