the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
