I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
