if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
