he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
