this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
