You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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