Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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