I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
