No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
