i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
