I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
