OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
