Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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