I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
