How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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