I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
