Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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